A story that Dennis wrote about his life

January, 2009

Why am I here? Not so much the question why but I; and another question here. The reason that I ask myself these questions is, if it is not too cool (above 60) or windy, I have some coffee sitting in the back yard. With this I see hundreds of acre sized fields, some with milpa (corn still on the stock); strawberries; celery; carrots; tomatoes; flowers; or other things. There may be a person tending the progress or 2 or 3 cultivating the field preparing it for the next crop. This is with a large blade hoe, with full over the head swings. Sometimes as many as 6 men, women, or children, picking corn or strawberries. Later they inspect as they hull them. All this labor while I am here; in a chair; busying myself with only thought. The first part of time my thoughts were Wow, now more of why. Is it because I am American therefore I get the easy life? Definitely not, I am embarrassed that as American I have these thoughts. Shame on me; shame on us. Is it because I am a Christian; and God said, there is Dennis, and didn’t see the man burdened with a load of wood so his wife could make tortillas? Even bigger shame. If that were true I would not want to be a “Christian.” So why I? And why here?

I will attempt to answer the second questions first. Why here? Maybe because about 1/3 of my life past, we were living “out of the box.” If you know me personally, you know that I am not normal. Now I should be careful because those that don’t know me personally may try to get me help. Don’t bother; I am too far gone.

Some years past I did much personal evaluation and discovered that I didn’t like what was “in the box.” That was me, I must say it wasn’t a magic moment where I got all warm and fuzzy inside instead just the opposite. I cowered in the corner of myself and thought of my hopelessness. This is the part where God did look and say “ah there is Dennis.” “What can I do for him and what can he do for me.” The what can God do for me part would fill these pages. The short version is Love, Grace, Forgiveness, and Opportunity. Love is . . . well I guess that I can’t describe it except to say, it is grace and grace is love and both are God. This understanding allowed me to accept forgiveness. By this time of my life I had more than 20 years of painful living, so I guessed that I overdrew my account. I have since learned that God’s Love, Grace, and Forgiveness are inexhaustible. As I said I am a slow learner so in my mid 20’s to 30’s, I tried to repay God by doing. Well here is the key; God accepts opportunities (service) because you understand His love and grace, not to get His love and grace. So in my 40’s, we started doing because of, not for. Well, that is why I am here, because of an opportunity to live God’s Love and Grace.

So than back to the people with the hoe, firewood, or just plain work. Why am I in the chair? Not to say that I had a silver spoon, far from it; I did work 39 years in a paper mill. Then a disabling illness, (Labrinthithis.) How can this be grace? Because of my illness, I received a medical disability (early retirement) and because of physical therapy most of the disabling is gone. I will try to explain it as hitting an infield grounder and getting a home run.
A lot of people thought we were crazy. Using vacation time for non vacations, giving money when payday was a full week away, helping teens when everyone else gave up on them, filling a peaceful home with strangers and so on the list goes. We call it “out of the box.” After 31 exchange students, the next opportunity seemed obvious. We go to them.
So the here, I just answered. The I is because of more than 30 years ago, understood God’s Love, Grace, Forgiveness, and Opportunities.

By the way, it is not all chair. A few days ago, I unloaded a pick-up or more than a ton of maize (cornels of corn) and moments later a second truck full pulled in. 2 days ago, a knock on the door. Two girls asking about English lessons. They are 12 and 14 years old and had to quit school after 2 years because they could not afford the papers for school. They are now strawberry pickers; there small income goes to the family needs. Our part is to help them advance themselves.

Why? Because I can do an out of the box.
I? We use out of the box opportunities.
Here? It is out of the box.
Too far gone? No, just far enough.

After years of working with some of the best and some of the worst teenagers, now we work with some of the most needing teenagers, and others.

If you have questions about God’s Love, Grace, and Forgiveness, or personal issues that make you cower in yourself, please e-mail or leave a comment on the blog site so I can explain more.

Dennis Santkuyl